【www.shanpow.com--英语作文】
【一】:英语幽默小故事6篇
1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用
The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.
When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,
“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund
you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband
asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”
“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.
“It’s not worth seeing.”
“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.
“Wake the child up and let him cry.”
一对夫妇带着他们3岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时，服务员对他们说：“如果你们的儿子哭了，你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。”大约半个小时以后，丈夫对妻子说：“你觉得这电影怎么样？”“我从没看过这么没劲的电影。”妻子回答说，“真不值得看。”“我也不喜欢看。”丈夫说：“叫醒孩子，让他哭。”
2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻
A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,
looking vexed, when her husband came home.
"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"
the husband asked. The woman replied,
"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and
burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,
"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."
"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"
the wife responded.
有一个刚结婚的太太，坐在椅子那边，看起来很懊恼，她先生回家看到她这个样子，就问：‘嗨，你怎么啦？为什么看起来这么懊恼呢？’太太说：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西装裤被我烫坏了，烫成一个洞了。’他先生说：‘啊！那个没关系啦！我还有另外一件一样的裤子。’ 她说：‘是啊，还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。’
3、Endearing terms
英语幽默故事:可爱的称呼
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”
4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人吗？
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？” “呃„ „”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”， 参
观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。” “错了”，“院长回答”“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉”。
5、英文幽默老虎来了
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.
One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"
His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。
其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？”
他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”
6、Another 40 Years to live
再活40年
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。
【二】:英语小故事
On a vacation trip, Duke Huan of the state of Qi came to the ruin of the capital of Guo Shi , which perished long ago.
Seeing the desolate and bleak prospects of broken tiles, collapsed walls, and clusters of weeds, he could not help asking the local people about the reason of the ruin of Guo Shi.
They replied,"Guo Shi was fond of doing good deeds, and averse to evildoing, which led to the perdition."
When the Duke could not understand the answer, people explained ," Though he liked doing good, he had never been able to do so; though he hated evildoing, never could he help not participating. That caused the ruin of his capital."
郭氏之墟
齐桓公出游途中，来到已经灭亡许久的郭氏都城的废墟。
看到瓦砾残垣、杂草丛生的萧条景象，忍不住问当地百姓郭氏灭亡的原因。 百姓们回答说："郭氏由于喜爱善行善事。厌恶邪恶丑行而导致灭亡。"
齐桓公不能理解这种回答，百姓们便解释说："郭氏虽然喜爱善行善事，但从来都不能做到；尽管厌恶邪恶丑行，却总是忍不住参与其中。这就是他的都城变成废墟的原因。"
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A mouse once took a bite out of a bull's tail as he lay dozing. The bull jumped up in a rage and, with his head low to the ground, chased the mouse right across the yard. The mouse was too quick for him, however, and slipped easily into a hole in the wall.
The bull charged the wall furiously again and again, but although he bruised his head and chipped his horns, the mouse stayed safely inside his hole. After a time the bull gave up and sank down to rest again.
As soon as the bull was asleep, the little mouse crept to the mouth of the hole, pattered across the yard, bit the bull again -- this time on the nose -- and rushed back to safety. As the bull roared helplessly the mouse squeaked:
"It's not always the big people who come off best. Sometimes the small ones win, you know."
老鼠和公牛
有一次，公牛躺着打盹，一只老鼠咬了他的尾巴。公牛怒气冲冲地跳起来，低着头追老鼠，一直追过院子。然而，老鼠跑得比他快多了，从容地钻到墙洞里去了。 公牛一次又一次地猛撞墙壁，尽管头撞肿了，角撞裂了，老鼠却安然待在洞里。过了一会儿，公牛不撞了，倒下歇着。
公牛刚睡着，小老鼠就爬到洞口，嗒嗒地跑过院子，又咬了公牛一口 ?? 这回
咬了鼻子 ?? 又跑回安全的地方去。当公牛毫无办法地吼叫时，老鼠吱吱叫道： "大人物并不总占上风。有时小人物也会取胜。"
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A boy was playing in the fields when he was stung by a nettle . He ran home to tell his mother what had happened.
"I only touched it lightly," he said, "and the nasty thing stung me."www.shanpow.com_yingyuxiaogushi。
"It stung you because you only touched it lightly," his mother told him." Next time you touch a nettle grasp it as tightly as you can. Then it won't sting you at all."
Face danger boldly.
男孩和荨麻
有个男孩子在地里玩耍，被荨麻刺痛了。他跑回家去，告诉妈妈出了什么事。 "我不过轻轻地碰了它一下，"他说，"那讨厌的东西就把我刺痛了。"
"你只轻轻地碰了它一下，所以它才刺痛你，"妈妈对他说，"下一回你再碰到荨麻，就尽量紧紧地抓住它。那它就根本不会刺痛你了。"
要敢于面对危险。
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A man once bought a brilliantly-coloured parrot. Instead of locking it up in a cage or chaining it to a perch, he allowed it to fly free all over the house. The parrot was delighted at this and flapped from room to room, shrieking and screaming with happiness. At last he settled on the edge of a rich curtain.
"Who on earth are you ?" said a cross voice from below. "Stop that terrible noise at once."
The parrot saw a cat staring up at him from the carpet.
"I 'm a parrot. I 've just arrived and I 'm to make as much noise as I can," he said.
"Well, I 've lived here all my life," replied the cat ."I was born in this very house and I learned from my mother that it is best to keep quiet here."
"Keep quiet then, "said the parrot cheerfully. "I don't know what you do around here, but I know my job. My master bought me for my voice and I'm going to make sure he hears it."
Different people are valued for different things.
鹦鹉和猫
从前，有人买了一只毛色鲜艳的鹦鹉。他没有把鹦鹉关在笼子里，也没有用链条把他拴在栖木上，而让他在家里自由自在地飞来飞去。鹦鹉对此非常高兴，扑动翅膀，从一间屋子飞到另一间屋子，愉快地尖声叫着，最后停在华丽的帷幔的边
上。
"你到底是谁？"从下面传来怒气冲冲的说话声，"马上住嘴，别发出那难听的声音。"
鹦鹉看见地毯上有一只猫抬头看着他。
"我是鹦鹉。 我刚到，我要使劲地吵吵。"他说。 "那你就一声不响吧，"鹦鹉欢快地说，"我不知道你在这儿干什么，可我知道我的活儿。主人为了我的声音才买我，我一定得让他听到。"
不同的人因有不同的特点而受重视。
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A man once had four sons who never stopped quarrelling with one another. He was always telling them how much easier life would be if they worked together but they took absolutely no notice of him. One day he decided to show them what he meant.
He called all the sons together and put a tightly tied bundle of sticks on the floor in front of them.
"Can you break that ? " he asked the youngest son. The boy put his knee on the bundle but though he pressed and pulled with his arms he could not bend the wood. The father asked each son in turn to try to break the bundle, but none of them could do it .
Then he untied the string and scattered the sticks.
" Now try, " he said . The boys broke the sticks easily in their hands.
"Do you see what I mean ?" asked the father. "if only you stand together no one can hurt you . If you all disagree the whole time and insist on going your separate ways, the first enemy you meet will be able to destroy you. "
United we stand ; divided we fall.
一捆树枝
从前有一个人，他有四个儿子。儿子们不断地争吵。他一再告诫他们说，如果他们一起干活儿，生活会舒适得多，但他们丝毫不理会他的意见。有一天，他决定通过示范把自己的意思告诉他们。
他把四个儿子都叫来，又把一捆扎得很紧的细树枝放在他们面前的地上。
"你能折断这个吗？"他问最小的儿子。小伙子用膝盖顶住，两只手又压又拉，都不能把那捆树枝弄弯。父亲让别的儿子挨个儿试试，看他们是否能把那捆树枝折断，但谁也做不到。
然后，他解开绳子，把树枝撒开。
"试试吧。"他说。四个小伙子用手轻轻一撅，树枝就断了。
"你们明白我的意思了吗？"父亲问，"只要你们联合起来，谁也不能伤害你们。如果你们老吵架，一定要各行其是，那么你们一遇到敌人，就会被打败。"
合则存，分则败。
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A wolf once met a donkey on the road outside the village.
"I 'm going to eat you up, "said the wolf .
"Certainly, " replied the donkey, thinking fast. "But please don't eat me out here on the road where everyone can see. I shall be so ashamed . Take me into the forest. Don't be afraid that I shall try to escape. Here, tie this rope round your neck and fasten it to my bridle. Then I will lead you to a quiet spot I know."
The wolf thought this was a good idea so he fastened the rope round his neck and knotted it firmly to the donkey's bridle.
"Now I will go wherever you say, " said the donkey.
"Show me the way to your quiet spot , " ordered the wolf.
"Very well," said the donkey, setting off down the road towards the village. As they came to the first houses the wolf began to suspect that he had been tricked.
"This is not the way to the forest, " he said, tugging at his end of the rope. "This road goes to the village."
"Don't worry," said the donkey cheerfully , "This is a short cut. "
The donkey began to trot faster , then to gallop. The rope round the wolf's neck drew tight; in a very short time he was dragged right up to the donkey's door.
The master, his wife and their three sons all came running out to rescue the donkey . They were so angry that they would have killed the wolf there and then. Fortunately for the wolf , however , one of the sons threw a knife at him. The knife missed , but it cut the rope round his neck. The next moment all the family could see was a cloud of dust in the road as the wolf fled to safety in the dark forest.
If you keep your head you will be all right.
狼和驴
有一回，狼在村外的路上碰见驴。
"我要把你吃掉。"狼说。
"当然可以，"驴灵机一动，回答说，"但请不要在这条路上吃，人人都会看见的， 我会感到难为情。把我带到森林里去吧。别担心我们会逃跑。喏， 把这根绳子一头饶在你脖子上，一头拴在我的缰绳上，然后我把你带到一个我熟悉的安静的地方去。"
狼认为这是个好主意，于是把绳子饶在脖子上，把另一头牢牢系在驴缰绳上。 "现在你说到什么地方去，我就到什么地方去。"驴说。
"带我到你说的那个安静的地方去。"狼吩咐道。
"很好。"驴说着，就沿通向村子的路走去。他们来到头几所房子附近时，狼怀疑自己受骗上当了。
"这不是到森林去的路，"他使劲拉绳子的一头说， "这条路是到村子里去的。" "别着急，"驴高兴地说， "这是一条近路。" 驴加快了步子，接着跑起来。套在狼脖子上的绳子抽紧了；一会儿功夫，就把狼拉到驴的家门口。
驴的主人、主人的妻子和三个儿子都跑出来救驴。他们非常生气，要立即就地把狼打死。不过，狼很幸运，主人的一个儿子拿刀砍狼，没砍着，却把套在狼脖子上的绳子砍断了。转眼之间，这一家子看到路上尘土飞扬，狼安然逃向黑暗的树林里去了。
保持镇静，就没问题。
