【www.shanpow.com--英语作文】
【一】:幽默英语：20条英语段子
【第一条】
Examination and many children, so that the number of honest learned cheating. 考试害了多少个孩子，让多少诚实的孩子学会了作弊。
【第二条】
For beautiful eyes, on the line, and told myself, my wife than they were.
对于美女，看两眼就行，转身告诉自己，我老婆比她们都好。
【第三条】
Did you find, those who hate you, looks very ugly.
你有没有发现，那些讨厌你的人，长得都特别丑。
【第四条】
Since I will play QQ, I found my pinyin is getting better and better, the study did not have this effect.
自从会玩QQ后，我发现我拼音越来越好了，读书都没这效果。
【第五条】
I have a flirt with hot chicks ability, but he is a girl.
我空有一身泡妞的本事，可惜自己是个妞。
【第六条】
I do not smoke cigarettes, is not lonely, second-hand smoke!
我抽的不是烟，也不是寂寞，是二手烟！
【第七条】
Examination of people rely on strength, and I rely on the rich imagination.
考试有人靠的是实力，而我靠的是丰富的想象力。
【第八条】
Abroad: Thought and ability is the key, the domestic: relationship and can run. 国外：思想和才能才是王道，国内：关系和马屁才能横行。
【第九条】
The teacher said to hear and fine, I know he's salary.
听到老师说又要开始罚钱，我就知道是他工资花完了。
【第十条】
The man called the romantic love rich, rich in the coquettish woman.
男人情史丰富那叫风流，女人情史丰富那叫风骚。
【第十一条】
One, two people, three person is to fight at outrance.
一个人快活，两个人生活，三个人就是你死我活。
【第十二条】
Grandpa Mao said, not to marry for the purpose of making object is bullying. 毛爷爷说，不以结婚为目的的搞对象都是耍流氓。
【第十三条】
Brother, you have to face the resolution is good?
大哥，把你脸上的分辨率调低点好吗？
【第十四条】
In heaven there is no white out the pie, but white out the bricks.
天上没有白掉的馅饼，倒有白掉的砖头。
【第十五条】
Ideals are like the pants, have, but not everyone can go to prove that you have! 理想就像内裤，要有，但不能逢人就去证明你有！
【第十六条】
More to their fucking great time also can not compare with idiot years.
再多各自牛逼的时光 也比不上一起傻逼的岁月。
【第十七条】
Thinking of how far, how far you roll; light how fast, how fast you roll.
思想有多远，你就滚多远；光速有多快，你就滚多快。
【第十八条】
Chinese two big characteristics: one, don't love the truth; two, do not want to hear the truth.
中国人就两大特点：一，不爱说实话；二，不爱听实话。
【第十九条】
You look very Chinese, very dedicated, very backbone.
你长的很爱国，很敬业，很有骨气。
【第二十条】
Germany is the only woman, I think I must be too mean.
女子无才便是德，我想我一定是太缺德了。
精彩推荐：必克英语
【二】:精选爆笑英语段子
I want a nightmare 想做坏梦
Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.www.shanpow.com_搞笑英语对话段子。
在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
How to Become Rich 如何致富
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。
Lucky Mother 幸运的母亲
A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?
一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？
A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒
Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"
Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"
婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，www.shanpow.com_搞笑英语对话段子。
我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？”www.shanpow.com_搞笑英语对话段子。
他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗？”
一分一块钱 A dollar per point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。
考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”
第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。
（派乐多英语提供，更多感兴趣的内容，请访问：派乐多英语）
【三】:英语笑话脑筋急转弯
“脑筋急转弯”是一种有趣的智力游戏,它以生动活泼的形式和突破思维惯性的魅力吸引着现代人,是现代生活的“调味剂”。以下是小编为大家准备的英语笑话脑筋急转弯，希望大家喜欢!
英语笑话脑筋急转弯(一)
1. what is full when it's used and empty when it's at rest?什么东西在使用它的时候是满的，在他休息的时候是空的。答案：a shoe鞋
2. when can you get water with a net? 什么时候你可以用用网拿到水呢?答案：when water is turned into ice当水变成冰的时候
3. What will you break once you say it? (什么东西一说出来就打破?)答案：Silence. (沉默)
4. Will liars be honest after they die? (骗子死了之后会诚实吗?)答案：No, they won’t. They lie still after they die。(不会，他们依旧撒谎。Lie still 躺着不动，依旧撒谎。)
5. What always goes up and never goes down? (什么东西只升不降?)答案：Your age. (你的年龄)
6. Why did the boy make his dog sit in the sun? (男孩为什么让他的狗坐在阳光下?)答案：He wants to have a hot dog. (他想要一条热狗。)
7. Why can a bride hide nothing?(为什么新娘子什么也藏不住?)答案：Because someone will give her away. (因为有人会揭发她。Give away 揭发，在婚礼上把新娘交给新郎)
8. Why is the library the highest building?(为什么图书馆是最高的建筑物?)答案：It has the most stories. (它的楼层最多。Story 故事，楼层)
9. What is the smallest bridge in the world? (世界上最小的桥梁是什么?)答案：The bridge of a nose. (鼻梁)
10. What is the difference between the North Pole and the South Pole? (北极与南极的区别是什么?)答案：A whole world. (整个世界。 a world of difference 天壤之别)
11. What makes naughty boys long to work in a clock factory? (淘气的男孩为什么想去钟表厂工作?)答案：They want to make faces. (make face 做鬼脸，做钟表面)
12. What bird lifts heavy things? (什么鸟能举起重物?)答案：Crane. (鹤。Crane鹤，举重机)
13. A ship can contain only fifty persons. Now there is already-forty-nine persons in it. At this time,a pregnant woman comes on and boards the ship. The ship sinks.Why?(有一艘船只能容纳人，现在已有人。这时一位孕妇上了船，船就沉了。为什么?)答案：Because is a pig bot. (那是潜水艇。Pig-bot，潜水艇)
14. What's the poorest bank in the world? (世界的最贫穷的银行是什么?)答案：The river bank。(河岸。)
15. What month do soldiers hate?(军人憎恨什么月?)答案：March。(行军。)
英语笑话脑筋急转弯(二)
1. What stays indoors no matter how many times you put it out? 答案：The light.
2. A policeman saw a truck driver going the wrong way down a one-way street, but didn't give him a ticket. Why? 答案：Because the truck driver was walking.
3. Where can milk be best stored? 答案：In a cow.
4. Which can move faster, heat or cold? 答案：Heat, because you can catch cold easily.
5. What's the hardest thing about learning skating? 答案：The ice.
6. What has cities with no houses, rivers without water and forests without trees? 答案：A map.
7. What can be measured but has no length, width or thickness? 答案：The temperature.
8. What makes the Tower of Pisa lean? 答案：It never eats.
9. Why is writing called handwriting? 答案：If people wrote with their feet, we would have to call it footwriting.
10. If there were only three girls in the world, what do you think they would do? 答案：Two of them would get together ans talk about the other one.
11. How many great men have been born in London? 答案：None. Only babies.
12. When can you have an empty pocket and still have something in it? 答案：When you have a hole in your pocket.
13. The greater it is, the less it can be seen. What is it? 答案：Darkness.
14. The more you take away, the bigger I become. What am I? 答案：A hole.
15. Who may marry many a wife and stay single all of his life? 答案：A priest.(牧师)
英语笑话脑筋急转弯(三)
1. Why do some old people never use glasses? 答案：They must prefer bottles to glasses.
2. Why is the person wearing two coats while painting the house? 答案：
3. Because the instructions on the paint can say "Put on two coats for best results."
4. What two words have thousands of letters in them? 答案：Post office.
5. What do workers do in a clock factory? 答案：They make faces all day.
6. When do you go as fast as a racing car? 答案：When you are in it.
7. How many sides does a house have? 答案：Two - inside and outside.
8. What never asks any questions but always gets answers? 答案：A doorbell.
9. Where did Columbus stand when he discovered America? 答案：On his feet.
10. When the boy fell into the water, what's the first thing he did? 答案：He got wet first of all.
11. Who isn't your sister and isn't your brother, but is still a child of your mother and father? 答案：I myself.
12. What has teeth but cannot eat? 答案：A comb.
13. What kind of man can raise things without lifting them? 答案：A farmer.
14. Why does time fly? 答案：To get away from all the people who are trying to kill it.
15. Name five days of the week without saying: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. 答案：The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.
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【四】:搞笑个性签名对话
1. “上课为什么要踢前面同学?“腿长任性”
2. 如果把我的学费都换成机票的话 我已经环游整个世界了学到的还不比现在学的少
3. 最近被同学说：万人迷啊，女神们都喜欢你啊!我顿时来了一句：我一直都觉得我很帅的!
4. 我的滑板鞋时尚时尚最时尚，回家的路上我情不自禁，摩擦摩擦，在这光滑的地上摩擦。
5. 我想,如果当初牛顿是坐在榴莲树下,那么我们的考试应该容易的多了
6. “问世间情为何物?”“两岸猿声啼不住。”
7. 刚考完语文我就哭了，接着考完数学我发现我哭早了
8. 一位男子在网吧打了一天排位从钻石掉到白金然后 他报警抓了全网吧的小学生
9. 大师兄你知道吗 现在 二师兄的肉 都比师傅的贵了
10. 请记住我是一个高冷的人 请不要被我时常的疯癫所迷惑
11. 谁说男神喜欢逗比的为什么没见男神喜欢我啊
12. “你觉得最尴尬的事是什么?”“你男朋友对你说你鼻孔里的屎没扣干净”
13. 老师大骂班级的学生：“你们太笨 了，智商都是负的，我的智商是你们的一百 倍!”学生：……
14. 我总是要咬着嘴唇皱着眉头然后迷茫的看周围再然后眼泪就会自己掉下来 .
15. 世界上最遥远的距离不是生与死 而是老师在讲第四章学霸在看第八章 而我还在看目录
16. 那天在老师家补习，临走前说了句， “老公，慢走。”
17. “为什么踢前面的同学啊”“腿长，任性。”
18. “为什么班长收到的苹果这么多?” “因为作业多。”
19. “为什么作业这么多” “老师任性，我们任命”
20. “我梦见我男神了” “梦都是反的” “你是说我男神梦见我啦”
21. 我突然有想学习的冲动,喝口水压压惊.好了现在平静了,刚才实在是太冲动了,还好我自制力强
22. "你老看我干嘛!" "因为我感觉你简直美如画。" "哎呦，讨厌啦，什么画啊!" "暴走漫画"
23. 偶尔可以打电话过来嘛 又不是手指断了
24. “你觉得你女朋友什么时候最蠢”“至今没能找到我，蠢死了”
25. “长得丑的人都喜欢说为什么”“为什么”“你看你看”。
26. 从前我是学霸，可是好奇学渣的世界是什么样的，就去看了看，，，然后就回不来了。
27. 上帝说要有光于是我们屁颠屁颠地起床
28. “鸟儿为什么爱在电线上排排坐?”“在线才能聊天哈!”
29. “为什么作业这么多” “老师任性，我们任命”。.
30. 当你死活找不到一件东西时，你会找到好多之前死活都找不到的东西。
31. “我终于追到他了" "然后呢，你们幸福吗” “他总是高高在上，像皇帝一样”
32. 总感觉换座位就是，一个时代的结束，一个民族的毁灭，一个部落的灭亡，一个根据地的移动。
33. “现在被子的封印越来越强了，每天早上醒来先要冲破封印，赶脚好辛苦.”
34. ”有一种人他不喜欢你，还不让你喜欢别人“ “你是说班主任么?”
35. “说说你喜欢吃什么水果吧。”“洗好的水果，削好的水果，切好的水果。”“……”
36. “姐姐你能不能用ABC来造个句? ” “A呀这是C家的B孩子阿! ” .
37. 所谓的暖男大概就是传说中的中央空调吧
38. 快放学时老师忘了布置作业，有人说：“老师你忘了布置作业”遇到这样的人，同学们不要犹豫，一起上啊。
39. 像我这样的 发说说只是为了证明自己还活着。
40. 猫腻 反正在一起时你我都有开心过 就足够
41. 我没有拖延症 快递一拿到我就会拆 闹钟一响我就会按零食一开我就会吃你一出现我就会笑.
42. “我要拿作业砸死班主任” “说的好像你能搬得动似的”
43. “如果我是僵尸我一定不吃你” “好感动为什么” “因为你没脑子”...
44. 给我安全感的却唯有清晨明媚的阳光 繁华路口人行道的绿灯出门时口袋里的钱包和钥匙 手机里显示的满格电
45. 千与千寻中最励志的话-不要吃太胖哦，会被杀掉的
46. 当想死的时候，连车不愿意来撞。
47. " 你希望别人骂你什么? ” “ 有钱了不起啊? " " ....... "
48. 逃课太多，想去上课。见到老师，老师惊讶地说，这么长时间不见，长这么大了。
49. “你牛仔裤破了，还穿出来?”“现在流行这，你不懂”“真的?可是别人不是破的裤裆啊”
50. “包子脸的姑姑好心酸”“可是她毕竟是那些年我们一起追过的沈佳宜啊”
51. “再惹我我强吻你” “不可能!” “为什么?” “我不反抗还能算强吻吗?”
52. 这次考试本想一鸣惊人，可是当试卷发下来时我决定还是隐藏实力
53. 人生最遥远的距离就是，过圣诞节的时候你想法设法的买好看的礼物，而我想法设法的弄钱。。
54. “走阿,出去玩阿”“我已看透世态炎凉,只想与世无争”“说人话”“外边太特么冷了,我不想动”
55. “老板来五碗米线”“叫那么多干嘛，我吃一碗就够了”“哦 对哦 还有你呢 老板来六碗米线”
56. 我觉得，孤男寡女的时候，女生说好冷是一种耍流氓的行为。
57. “走过初三的教室 看见他们的英语好难”“那是化学”
58. 麻麻说：我叛逆期怎么整她，她更年期就怎么整我
59. 像你们这种美眉，在我导演的连续剧里，我最多能让你活两集
60. “吃什么就会变丑?”“藕”“为什么呢?”“因为，chi…ou丑!!!”“滚!”
61. 如果在平安夜或者圣诞节没有收到我的任何表示，请不要怀疑我们之间的友谊，只是我穷而已。
【五】:英语童话故事对话
童话常是以儿童为接受对象的口头幻想叙事体裁,也是辅助儿童教育的一种重要手段,下面这些是小编为大家推荐的几篇英语童话故事对话。
英语童话故事对话1：走出草原
There was a man called bargh o life on the grasslands of Inner Mongolia.
Once, younger, and his father got lost in the grasslands, o tired and afraid, until the last walk fast. Dad is 5 coin from her pocket, bury a coin in the grass, put the rest of the four hands, o said: "there are five pieces of gold in life, childhood, youth, youth, middle age and old age have a, you now just used one, is that a buried in the grass, you can't throw 5 pieces are in grassland, bit by bit will you use it, every time they come with a different, so don't waste life. Today, we must be out of the prairie, you also have to get out of the grassland in the future. The world is very big, people alive, will go more places, see more, do not let your gold not just throw it away."
In his father's encouragement, that day, Lord, out of the prairie. O grew up, leave the hometown, became a good captain.
Cherish life, can out of frustration swamp.
英语童话故事对话2:小刺猬迷路
Once upon a time there was a small forest. There is a group of the hedgehog, one little hedgehog is curious about the outside, every time want to go out, but his mother against him.
There is a chance, mom was not at home, little hedgehog line ash son ran out of the woods, came to a city. People mountain people sea in the city, little hedgehog is very happy. Suddenly a bag for trapping him, the little hedgehog was fainting. When he woke up, he was sent to a market, the little hedgehog blubber, some regret out of the forest.
At this time there was a man, said to catch
