英文笑话大全爆笑

英文简历 2018-12-27 06:07:23 英文简历

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[摘要]英文笑话大全爆笑(共4篇)看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译1 One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the count

【www.shanpow.com--英文简历】

【一】:看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译

1.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"

2.The Looney Bin

Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

疯人院

一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑！”另一个说：“你怎么知道？”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的！”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说！”

Notes:

（1）Looney (俚语）疯子

（2）inmate （n.同住者, 同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）

（3）insane asylum (疯人院）

3.Boxing and Running

Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."

Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

拳击和赛跑

丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”

朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？”

丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”

NOTE

come up against 遇到一个对手 against表示相对的相反的www.shanpow.com_英文笑话大全爆笑。

4.The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.

So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?"

George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，因为每逢周末的探访日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。

因此在一个探访日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说：“乔治，我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上：“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗？”

乔治回答：“喔！当然有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面！”

5.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

6.A shoplifter（商店扒手）51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"www.shanpow.com_英文笑话大全爆笑。

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook（骗子，坏蛋） looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样？”

经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"

7.The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by asentry（哨兵） . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams（缝合线） . [来自我要看笑话51kxh.cn]

"What's in here?" he asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender（酒保） .

【二】:看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译

2.The Looney Bin

Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

疯人院

Notes:

（1）Looney (俚语）疯子

（2）inmate （n.同住者, 同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）

（3）insane asylum (疯人院）

3.Boxing and Running

Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he told his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."

Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

拳击和赛跑

丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”

朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？”

丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”

NOTE

come up against 遇到一个对手 against表示相对的相反的

George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，因为每逢周末的探访日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。

乔治回答：“喔！当然有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面！”

5.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

6.A shoplifter（商店扒手）was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook（骗子，坏蛋） looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"

7.The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry（哨兵） . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks (麻袋)bulging(超出正常地在膨胀） at the seams（缝合线） .

"What's in here?" he asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender（酒保） .

【三】:英语笑话脑筋急转弯

　　“脑筋急转弯”是一种有趣的智力游戏,它以生动活泼的形式和突破思维惯性的魅力吸引着现代人,是现代生活的“调味剂”。以下是小编为大家准备的英语笑话脑筋急转弯，希望大家喜欢!

　　英语笑话脑筋急转弯(一)

　　1. what is full when it's used and empty when it's at rest?什么东西在使用它的时候是满的，在他休息的时候是空的。答案：a shoe鞋

　　2. when can you get water with a net? 什么时候你可以用用网拿到水呢?答案：when water is turned into ice当水变成冰的时候

　　3. What will you break once you say it? (什么东西一说出来就打破?)答案：Silence. (沉默)

　　4. Will liars be honest after they die? (骗子死了之后会诚实吗?)答案：No, they won’t. They lie still after they die。(不会，他们依旧撒谎。Lie still 躺着不动，依旧撒谎。)

　　5. What always goes up and never goes down? (什么东西只升不降?)答案：Your age. (你的年龄)

　　6. Why did the boy make his dog sit in the sun? (男孩为什么让他的狗坐在阳光下?)答案：He wants to have a hot dog. (他想要一条热狗。)

　　7. Why can a bride hide nothing?(为什么新娘子什么也藏不住?)答案：Because someone will give her away. (因为有人会揭发她。Give away 揭发，在婚礼上把新娘交给新郎)

　　8. Why is the library the highest building?(为什么图书馆是最高的建筑物?)答案：It has the most stories. (它的楼层最多。Story 故事，楼层)

　　9. What is the smallest bridge in the world? (世界上最小的桥梁是什么?)答案：The bridge of a nose. (鼻梁)

　　10. What is the difference between the North Pole and the South Pole? (北极与南极的区别是什么?)答案：A whole world. (整个世界。 a world of difference 天壤之别)

　　11. What makes naughty boys long to work in a clock factory? (淘气的男孩为什么想去钟表厂工作?)答案：They want to make faces. (make face 做鬼脸，做钟表面)

　　12. What bird lifts heavy things? (什么鸟能举起重物?)答案：Crane. (鹤。Crane鹤，举重机)

　　13. A ship can contain only fifty persons. Now there is already-forty-nine persons in it. At this time,a pregnant woman comes on and boards the ship. The ship sinks.Why?(有一艘船只能容纳人，现在已有人。这时一位孕妇上了船，船就沉了。为什么?)答案：Because is a pig bot. (那是潜水艇。Pig-bot，潜水艇)

　　14. What's the poorest bank in the world? (世界的最贫穷的银行是什么?)答案：The river bank。(河岸。)

　　15. What month do soldiers hate?(军人憎恨什么月?)答案：March。(行军。)

　　英语笑话脑筋急转弯(二)

　　1. What stays indoors no matter how many times you put it out? 答案：The light.

　　2. A policeman saw a truck driver going the wrong way down a one-way street, but didn't give him a ticket. Why? 答案：Because the truck driver was walking.

　　3. Where can milk be best stored? 答案：In a cow.

　　4. Which can move faster, heat or cold? 答案：Heat, because you can catch cold easily.

　　5. What's the hardest thing about learning skating? 答案：The ice.

　　6. What has cities with no houses, rivers without water and forests without trees? 答案：A map.

　　7. What can be measured but has no length, width or thickness? 答案：The temperature.

　　8. What makes the Tower of Pisa lean? 答案：It never eats.

　　9. Why is writing called handwriting? 答案：If people wrote with their feet, we would have to call it footwriting.

　　10. If there were only three girls in the world, what do you think they would do? 答案：Two of them would get together ans talk about the other one.

　　11. How many great men have been born in London? 答案：None. Only babies.

　　12. When can you have an empty pocket and still have something in it? 答案：When you have a hole in your pocket.

　　13. The greater it is, the less it can be seen. What is it? 答案：Darkness.

　　14. The more you take away, the bigger I become. What am I? 答案：A hole.

　　15. Who may marry many a wife and stay single all of his life? 答案：A priest.(牧师)

　　英语笑话脑筋急转弯(三)

　　1. Why do some old people never use glasses? 答案：They must prefer bottles to glasses.

　　2. Why is the person wearing two coats while painting the house? 答案：

　　3. Because the instructions on the paint can say "Put on two coats for best results."

　　4. What two words have thousands of letters in them? 答案：Post office.

　　5. What do workers do in a clock factory? 答案：They make faces all day.

　　6. When do you go as fast as a racing car? 答案：When you are in it.

　　7. How many sides does a house have? 答案：Two - inside and outside.

　　8. What never asks any questions but always gets answers? 答案：A doorbell.

　　9. Where did Columbus stand when he discovered America? 答案：On his feet.

　　10. When the boy fell into the water, what's the first thing he did? 答案：He got wet first of all.

　　11. Who isn't your sister and isn't your brother, but is still a child of your mother and father? 答案：I myself.

　　12. What has teeth but cannot eat? 答案：A comb.

　　13. What kind of man can raise things without lifting them? 答案：A farmer.

　　14. Why does time fly? 答案：To get away from all the people who are trying to kill it.

　　15. Name five days of the week without saying: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. 答案：The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.

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